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February 1,
2005
What’s in this issue of Women’s
Presence eNotes?
Breathing
What’s Grief Got to Do with It?
A Community of Women
March 9-13 Retreat
This month we
share some reflections from life
and update you on our upcoming
retreat.
“Listen,
are you breathing just a little,
and calling it a life?”
~~Mary Oliver
Do you ever notice what’s
happening with your breath?
It takes conscious attention to
experience whether your breath
is moving at all, and if so, how
shallowly or deeply, how fast,
how evenly.
Just this week-end, I (Roxanne)
was starting a little project,
and all of a sudden I realized
that my breath had just
stopped—it was “blocked” right
below my throat. I recognized
that my whole body seemed
suspended in an attitude of
“stuck.” I am a ‘practiced’
breather, which means that I
check in with my breathing on a
regular basis on most days. This
discovery of feeling suspended
caught me quite by surprise. I
wasn’t even “breathing just a
little.” Once I ‘found’ my
breath again, and allowed it to
continue its organic waving
through me, my experience of
that moment shifted. There was
something lovely and expansive
available to me.
Being attuned to Breath does
bring us back into a fuller
experience of life. But this
time I recognized something
different—I saw how taking full
breaths is a way of loving
ourselves. By breathing
consciously, we are given the
gift of embracing the truth of
that moment. We don’t push life
away---we invite it in. And
that’s the beginning of loving
our lives.
Try it and see what you discover
for yourself.
What’s Grief
Got to Do with It?
Grief is not a terribly popular
subject for a newsletter. It’s
not always easy to read about
nor is it always easy to write
about. But grief is. And
recognizing it is part of the
transformational journey.
It seems like nearly every
midlife woman we know is in the
process of ‘losing’ someone from
this earth, anticipating the
loss or already has gone through
the experience of saying goodbye
to a friend, a spouse, a parent,
a child, a sibling. You can see
it on their faces, and hear it
in their voices. Of course, it’s
an illusion that we “lose”
someone. It’s impossible for
death to destroy our inherent
spiritual connection with
others. But the human experience
of death is one that requires
our human response. And so it
is…..
Today’s Grief
Don’t know what to do with
all this sorrow.
Heat turned inside out back in,
wreaking havoc as it tears at my
heart.
Try to hide the burning hurt,
and hide from it.
Don’t see me, go away.
Want to be held, want the horror
of despair to be recognized.
Better not get too close.
What’s this fog? I’m losing my
mind.
What’s real? Only these tears?
Where’s the solid ground? Where
are my anchors?
Dropping away----gone into
blackness.
No meaning…..What is meaning,
anyway?
Dullness—grayness. Shouldn’t all
of life stop now?
Maybe I should just go faster,
faster, faster, faster. Don’t
even stop to let it in.
Won’t my heart break into so
many pieces that I’ll never be
put back together again?
Keep up the front. Damn the
front.
Shhhhh. Quiet.
……………………………………………………..
This moment…ahhh, this moment. I
think I can stand it. Oh,
there’s my breath…..and yes,
here’s my body. I sit by my
altar with its star-shaped
candle holder, a dried rose, a
tiny hummingbird’s nest rescued
before the heavy winter storms
filled the air. It sits atop a
lone grey branch, long abandoned
by the bird who knew just when
to leave. How did it know? Did
it grieve, too, or did it just
leave?
My heart softens in just this
moment, and for now, I don’t
push anything away. This moment
---and the next---stays with me,
in its terrible and sweet
purity. My emptiness pierces
into a vastness. I fall, I fall.
Layers of unrevealed loss and
fear edge their way into now
this moment.
I bear it for another breath,
and then another…………. and I’m
held.
I float in stillness, I float in
my heart—opening to an edgeless
heart.
In this moment, I rest.
Roxanne
Howe-Murphy
Grief and midlife
Indeed, many of us already
have experienced a loss of
someone close to us, or find
ourselves navigating for the
first time the passing of
someone dear.
The massive earthquake in SE
Asia, some would say of biblical
proportions, resulted in the
loss of an unfathomable number
of people. The shared sorrow
caused by an event of such
gargantuan proportions cannot be
underestimated a half a world
away.
And there’s the reservoir of
grief that has accumulated over
the course of our lives—from
seemingly small disappointments
to significant changes in our
lives that have resulted in
losses.
Illness is something that we may
confront more often or
differently in midlife. I
(Barbara) notice that I respond
to being sick in a different way
than I used to. I don’t snap
back the way I did when I was
younger. My energy stays low a
little longer. I have found that
it is important for me to notice
this – to be present with it.
The alternative is to find that
my unacknowledged fears or
frustrations show up in
unexpected ways. It is to risk
finding that I have lost an
intimacy with myself and what I
am really experiencing. If I can
be with “what is” I can truly
take care of myself, listen to
my needs and meet them well –
not grudgingly.
Loss, and especially death are
difficult subjects for most
’polite’ conversations, even
though thousands of people make
the transition to the other side
of life every day. Unless we are
part of a group, finding a safe
place to explore our unique path
of grief can be a daunting
challenge. Yet, allowing
ourselves to feel our grief and
giving voice to it is essential
to healing our sorrow. There’s
so much life on the other side.
In Women’s Presence Retreats,
there is safe and sacred space
to experience the sorrows that
have accumulated in our lives.
And by giving grief its due
recognition, we create space
for our joys and passions and
dreams. And they need a lot of
space!
A Community
of Women
One of the most delicious
aspects of our retreats is the
phenomenal women who show up! We
very quickly move into the
deeper aspects of our lives and
experience more of our inner
strength and authority when in
the presence of others who are
asking similar questions and are
committed to coming into their
wholeness.
Prepare to fall in love with
some truly outrageous women
(including yourself, of course!)
Women’s Presence™ Retreats:
The Transformational Power of
Midlife
Midlife ignites the fires of
self-examination and propels us
to move toward integration and
wholeness.
NEXT RETREAT:
Wednesday MARCH 9 at 5:00 p.m.
through Sunday, March 13 at 1:00
p.m.
An experience
in:
* Re-remembering what is Still,
Powerful, and Eternal within.
* Recognizing dimensions of your
life that have been hidden to
you, both the fertile dark and
the magnificent light.
* Challenging your perceived
limitations and fears and expand
into a powerful personal vision.
* Awakening to the power of
being present in your life.
Enjoy four nights stay at
the beautiful Stillheart Retreat
Center.*
A sanctuary for
rejuvenating your mind, body and
soul
*Situated a
world apart with16 acres of
hiking trails,
* Each guestroom includes
comfortable bed(s) with down
comforters; a private, furnished
deck or patio, and a private
bath with oversized tub
* Spa facilities include a
beautiful pool, sauna, and
outdoor hot tub
* Spacious and gracious workshop
space with stunning views
Register now to reserve
one of our remaining spaces.
Register at
www.womenspresence.com
* Conditional on
availability, Women’s Presence
Retreat participants have the
option of staying additional
days at the retreat center on
their own for more personal
retreat time. Arrangements are
to be made directly with
Stillheart.
We look forward to meeting you
there.
Blessings,
Roxanne and Barbara |
Retreats for Women